She does not live in an either/or mindset. She thinks in both/and.

I realized something recently about my wife’s mentality that is essential for anyone who wants to operate at a high level. She does not live in an either/or mindset. She thinks in both/and.

She does not choose between being a loving, present mother or a hot, adventurous, exciting wife. She does both. She cultivates the skill of caring for our kids, being engaged with them, contributing to our home, and making their world feel safe and steady. And she also works hard to be in shape. She is disciplined. She invests in clothes that make her feel confident. She pays attention to how she eats. She still goes out with me and enjoys herself. She does not believe that being a good mom requires being frumpy or disappearing behind the identity of motherhood. She also does not believe that being a hot wife means neglecting her kids. She honors both roles fully.

What I have learned watching her is that successful people refuse false choices. You do not have to pick between being a good person and being fiercely competitive. You do not have to decide between caring about your people and holding them to a high standard. You do not have to choose between having a meaningful family life and building a serious income. Most of the limitations are made up. Most of the “either or” obstacles are imaginary.

You can be both. And often, the people who get the farthest are the ones who never stop believing that.